Article by Andrea Goeglein PhD, Dr. Success

â??What good is having forgiveness as a natural strength? I need you to help me find ways to make money, not suggest ways to help me enter the monastery.â??

When a client made that statement in 2004, I laughed, but I understood his confusion. He had come to me attempting to find solutions to his failing business and explore ways to rebuild his life and his career. I insisted he take a statistically valid survey which would indicate his top five natural character strengths. From there, I told him we would determine what businesses he was best suited to pursue. He was skeptical, but desperate, so he completed the survey.

Upon receiving the results his skepticism turned to near outrage. It was only the bond of our long-standing consulting relationship that allowed me to explain. Again, I knew why he was so confused.

Look at the course catalogue of any university offering a business curriculum. I bet you will not find many â?? or any â?? that offer courses in forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a subject generally taught in business school â?? or any school — other than those with a theological basis. I contend itâ??s high time for that to change. In fact, I contend that forgiveness is the key to business success.

Forgiveness as defined by the research that backs the strengths survey my client took is: â??â?¦a suite of prosocial changes that occur within an individual who has been offended or damaged by a relationship partnerâ?? [bold italic added for effect]. ( Peterson, C. and Seligman, M. E. P. (2004), Character strengths and virtues: a handbook and classification. Oxford, New York. p. 446. ) Forgiveness is an internal, psychological shift a person who feels they were wronged makes for themselves, by themselves. The supposed culprit does not necessarily play any role in the shift that takes place.

Forgiveness is really just an inside job for which we should all apply. Forgiveness is the ability to forgive a bank and its employees for a business or home foreclosure, a corporation for a layoff, or a government for not doing their job of securing our banking and stock trading industries.

Why? Because until you forgive your perceived transgressors you keep yourself stuck in the past and unable to see the possibilities of the present and the future. It is difficult to look for a new job when you are applying from an attitude left over from your last unfavorable experience. It is difficult to want to apply for a loan, or vote, or believe there is anyone on your side. Belief comes not from the specifics of a situation, but from the perspective of the specifics that you carry from the situation.

In the case of my client, he had lost his business. The banks were foreclosing on his inventory and the building his business once called home. Partners had reneged on their offers to lend support. He had no business, no income, lots of kids, and no hope.What he did have was a character strength that naturally supported his ability totransform his perspective of what he was experiencing and free up his brain power to think about what he wanted to create next.

That was done by examining each â??storyâ?? he was telling about who wronged him, why they wronged him, and why he was right and they were wrong. It took time to identify all the transgressors. Each time he was willing to examine his story and edit it so that, at a minimum, he was not a victim but a mere character with a part in a play called his life, he was able allow himself to experience the internal ease of forgiveness. Read that very carefully â??the internal ease of forgiveness.â?? No bank said they were sorry, no employee brought back money they stole, no real estate bottom-fisher had a â??Gordon Geckoâ?? experience and was moved to right their wrongs.

What did happen was he examined his perspective. He edited his story until it was useful and gave him back his sense of power, and then he could move on.

The epilogue to this story is one that helps me get up every morning and continue to do the work I do. I helped this client on the front end of this process, taking the initial criticism and not backing down on my belief in forgiveness as a key business strength. I worked through a few of his stories with him. He then went off to rebuild his life, checking in from time to time to let me know what he was up to. Sometimes it was a good report. Sometimes it was a bad report. We never spoke of his strengths for 5 years.

Recently when having lunch about a business opportunity I wanted him to know I was involved with, he stopped me mid-sentence. He said, â??Remember when you told me forgiveness was really a strength that would help me? Well, I see now how I was able to move faster and not let myself stay stuck. I donâ??t think I could have done that if I was still holding grudges about what I thought those people did to me.â??

If you want to learn the whys of forgiveness and how it can help you build a better life for yourself, I suggest three books.

Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin;The Forgiveness Solution by Philip H. Friedman;The Easiest Way to Live by Mabel Katz.

These books look at the value of forgiveness from the academic, the appliedand cellular perspective. As with all development, start with where you are comfortable, and grow from there.

When all else fails start by saying â??thank youâ??. Works a bit like smiling through a tough situation. You are saying thank you for whatever opportunity this situation is bringing for you to learn.

Forgiveness is a habit. Forgiveness is a choice. When you chose to make forgiveness a habit you will unlock the key to your life success.

For more information, go to Serving Success.

Peterson, C. and Seligman, M. E. P. (2004), Character strengths and virtues: a handbook and classification. Oxford, New York. p. 446.